Inner Child Work 101: How to Integrate Your Shadow Aspects

During the first 6 years of our lives our programming is being set. Psychologically, this programming will determine how each of us deals with life, our level of confidence and how we define what love looks and feels like.

The relationship with our parents and caretakers is the single most important connection we establish, as this first understanding becomes the definition of love. Whether the home is filled with tremendous love or lack there of, even the happiest households still birth children who harbour feelings of pain and rejection.

As you become the adult you, the inner child stays with you compartmentalized into your psyche holding the pain, rejection and programming you were born into.

Until these emotional wounds are healed, they will continue to manifest outwardly and can create all sorts of problems. You may find that you continually live the same scenarios in life, such as finding partners who mirror your original household upbringing, yet are not healthy for you.

Until we can bring these wounds front and center and incorporate them into our conscious awareness, they will continue to live in a “box in our mind”, the inner child psyche that is still looking to be heard and healed.


1.Accept the Past

It is common in hurtful situations to try to avoid the pain and stifle the memories. But by stifling the memories, they are bound to manifest negatively in other aspects of our lives. By accepting our
pain and bringing our memories forward into conscious awareness, they can be healed.

We may not remember the events that took place in our earliest years, but we never forget the feelings. Acceptance of the past is the first step to healing.

“the past cannot be changed, edited or erased it can only be accepted” unknown

2. Dissect the Parental Relationship

This doesn’t mean pointing fingers or assessing blame to your parents. It means empathizing and practice forgiveness. Know that your parents are also broken children who did not heal properly.

Your childhood could be a reflection of their own childhood. They may have vowed to do better than their parents did but unless they were able to heal themselves, the cycle from generation to generation continues on.

We may not be able to change the past, but we can change our perception of it.

3. Bridge the Connection

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to connect with your inner child and hear what needs to be healed specifically. By creating a safe place in your mind for your inner child, you are building a bridge to connect the adult you and the child in you.

Once this connection has been made, you may be very surprised in what your mind was hiding from you. Memories can surface that you may not even believe were yours.

Speak to your inner child and let him know that the adult you will now take care of the child. Let the child know it is time to let go of the past, and everything will be ok.
by LJ Vanier

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