One of my favorites parts of a partnership is luscious time together in bed — snuggling, talking, connecting before bed and sharing about the day, making love, or simply being close to one another. So, it’s hard to believe such connection and intermingling could be a bit too good, but there is a side effect to sleeping in the same bed as our partners each night.
Those precious 6-10 hours (depending on how long you sleep) provide a vital healing not only for our physical bodies and cognitive functioning but also a time of expansion and reset for our energetic fields and auric integrity.
We process huge amounts of our day’s experience and information during the dream time, travel through other realms, and recollect the wholeness of our aura after so much interaction and intermingling during the day.
When we sleep closely with a partner, the intermingling continues throughout the night, never allowing us to fully restore and clarify our own energetic space.
I was first exposed to this concept in a Human Design reading which said that as a Manifestor type, I needed at least 4 nights per week to sleep on my own. I thought back to the rare times in my adult life when I did not share a bed with a partner and noticed that I had always experienced a huge amount of growth, self-awareness, and self-exploration during those periods.
It made sense that allowing myself time like that regularly, even when in partnership, could help me grow, heal, and continue expanding my consciousness consistently, regardless of relationship status or setup.
When I began studying tantric philosophy and practices with various teachers one, in particular, felt quite strongly about this recommendation, but for all people, not just one specific type.
Sleeping separately can be a helpful and restorative practice for all, and I would even more highly recommend to those who are especially empathic or psychic, in a healing process or wish to lucid dream and engage other dreaming practices or analysis.
Benefits of sleeping apart at least 3 nights per week:
You and your partner may be tuning into one another’s dreams without even realizing it, using up more energy and experiencing less clarified dream messages. Working with our dreams is an opportunity for great insight and self-knowing; taking the time to remember dreams and write them down in the morning immediately upon waking is an excellent self-care practice.
Being in a space with just your own energy for the ? of the day spent in bed will create less distraction and allow for deeper rest. Deeper rest means deeper healing. Deeply relaxed states allow for cellular and energetic restoration.
The charge the builds between partners and creates sexual desire gets a reboot from time spent apart!
Sleeping separately builds polarity, the basis for magnetized attraction to one another.
It also helps us to appreciate and really be present with the experience of sleeping closely on the nights of the week we have a chance to do so.
Honoring the menstrual cycle
Many spiritual and cultural lineages included women’s time away or in seclusion during her period. This was misinterpreted by some modern religions and patriarchal culture to mean that the menses was somehow dirty or inappropriate, but really, this time was to honor the sacredness of the cycle.
During the first few days especially, our cycle is a time when our energy moves inward and is focused on the cleansing and shedding process. Keeping our energy reserved for our own mind, body, and the intuitive process will nourish our growth while mitigating the harm of external stressors during this sensitive and magnificent time.
Self-touch and pleasure are hugely beneficial to both overall personal health and to our sex lives in general.
Often there is a decline in the practices of self-massage when we share a bed, so time spent sleeping separately is a beautiful way to bring these practices in as parts of our life all the time, not only when out of partnership
Have you ever experimented with sleeping apart from your partner? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experience in the comments!
Written by Emily Price
Emily Price is the creator of The Voluptuous Witch, a body-positive health and wellness coaching practice dedicated to helping every person live their most luscious, magical life. She is also a graduate of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.