Growing From A Broken Heart: How To Learn From Heartbreak

Working through a broken heart is no easy feat. However, if you understand a little psychology about human nature, the process can be a lot more simple than you think. 

It’s simple:

When we’re shown praise, it makes us feel good. When we’re told something negative about ourselves, it brings us down. We might get mad at the person who is telling us something we don’t want to hear, but in those moments we need to choose to grow.


We’re told that no external thing or person should control our happiness; that we need to be independent. The system of life doesn’t work like that. Nothing is independent, we are all one big interdependent organism. Other peoples emotions, actions and thoughts will always effect us because we are more intimately connected than we can even understand.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” 

This is only half the equation. Yes, we control how we feel but to say that other people shouldn’t effect us makes absolutely so sense. We are designed to connect, to be drawn together and have profound effects on each other.

It is the ebb and flow of life of being effected by something, then controlling our reaction to it. We are reactionary by nature, if you’ve had your heart broken and you’re being told ‘not to let that person effect you’, delete that thought from your mind.

Feel your feelings so deeply that you grow from them, grow from your heart break and what it’s taught you about love.

Dealing with Rejection

Depending on how sensitive you are, the feeling of rejection can come about quite easily. A lot of the time, if we are rejected for a specific thing, that concept sticks out in our mind and we revolve around it being the main problem.8 toxic thoughts

If someone who’s opinion you care about rejects you for your physical body, that can fester in your mind to become the core of every time you feel rejected – even if it has nothing to do with your body.

People will have an effect on us no matter what, but we are the ones who decide how to react to it. Not that we shouldn’t be effected, but how we are effected is what we are in control of.

Focusing Your energy into Creation

After a relationship is over and you’re not around your old partner anymore, this is the time to focus your energy. Everyone heals at their own rate, and to just ‘get over’ something is not an instant process anyone goes through.

What is ‘getting over’ something?

It seems to be when your attention, values and understanding shifts to something bigger, something that now matters to you. Sometimes all it takes is time, running the thoughts in your mind until they hold no more meaning; they are of the past and that full realization can push you into motion.

What are you doing with your time after a breakup? Focus your energy into creation, even if that just looks like walking, moving, doing something. It’s a time of exploration, finding out what makes you feel good, as you go though a time of feeling bad.


Translate your emotions into the physical: draw, dance, play music, sing, even if you aren’t ‘good’ at any of those things. Who is to say what is good in terms of creation? Start something new like cross stitching or mountain biking.

Do something you’ve never done before and put all your attention into it. What does focusing on your pain create? Always more pain. When we funnel those emotions into a physical action, we can fully focus on the action rather than the thought.

When we find something we are passionate about and do it in a way that inspires and helps others; then we are literally changing the world.

Inspired by an article by Alex J. Stevenson.

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